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Lev Shomea

Lev Shome’a / לב שומע / A Listening Heart

וְנָתַתָּ לְעַבְדְּךָ לֵב שֹׁמֵעַ לִשְׁפֹּט אֶת־עַמְּךָ לְהָבִין בֵּין־טוֹב לְרָע כִּי מִי יוּכַל לִשְׁפֹּט אֶת־עַמְּךָ הַכָּבֵד הַזֶּה׃ (מלכים א, ג, ט)

[King Shlomo asked of God]: "Grant Your servant a listening heart to judge Your people, to discern between right and wrong; for who can judge this vast people of Yours?” (I Kings 3:9)
 

When God offered Shlomo a gift upon becoming king, Shlomo didn’t ask for horses or wealth or glory. He asked for a listening heart, which was the basis for his legendary wisdom. And though we do sometimes need to decide, we should have deep humility about how certainly we can know what is right and what other people should think or do. When in doubt: listen.

 

Dan Lechaf Zechut / דן לכף זכות / Judging Favorably (giving the benefit of the doubt)

יְהוֹשֻׁעַ בֶּן פְּרַחְיָה אוֹמֵר, עֲשֵׂה לְךָ רַב, וּקְנֵה לְךָ חָבֵר, וֶהֱוֵי דָן אֶת כָּל הָאָדָם לְכַף זְכוּת. (פרקי אבות א, ו)

Yehoshua ben Perachyah used to say: appoint for yourself a teacher, and acquire for yourself a companion, and judge all people with the scale weighted in their favor. (Pirkei Avot 1:6)


Since we inevitably do make judgments about people, we should do it with as favorable and generous an interpretation as possible. We shouldn’t jump to the worst possible version of their meaning and motivation. In community, we should start from the assumption that people are acting from the best of intentions, and to the best of their ability in their circumstances. If we’re not sure, we can ask, with curiosity and openness.
 

Machloket Leshem Shamayim / מחלוקת לשם שמים / Debate for the Sake of Heaven

כָּל מַחֲלֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, סוֹפָהּ לְהִתְקַיֵּם; וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, אֵין סוֹפָהּ לְהִתְקַיֵּם. אֵיזוֹ הִיא מַחֲלֹקֶת שֶׁהִיא לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם? זוֹ מַחֲלֹקֶת הִלֵּל וְשַׁמַּאי; וְשֶׁאֵינָהּ לְשֵׁם שָׁמַיִם, זוֹ מַחֲלֹקֶת קֹרַח וְכָל עֲדָתוֹ. (פרקי אבות ה, יז)

Every dispute that is for the sake of Heaven, will in the end have enduring value; But one that is not for the sake of Heaven, will in the end not endure. Which is the controversy that is for the sake of Heaven? Such was the controversy of Hillel and Shammai. And which is the controversy that is not for the sake of Heaven? Such was the controversy of Korach and his entire faction. (Pirkei Avot 5:17)


Difference and debate are good, okay, and welcome! As long as it’s about a worthy topic, and there is a shared intention to reach a deeper shared understanding. Like Hillel and Shammai, the parties need to be in real relationship and dialogue – not like Korach and his faction, who just revved up their own supporters. We each have a piece of the truth. None of us has the whole truth. We all have something to learn from each other.
 

Panim el Panim / פנים אל פנים / Face to Face

וַיִּקְרָא יַעֲקֹב שֵׁם הַמָּקוֹם פְּנִיאֵל כִּי־רָאִיתִי אֱ'לֹהִים פָּנִים אֶל־פָּנִים וַתִּנָּצֵל נַפְשִׁי׃ (בראשית, לב, לא)

So Ya’akov [after wrestling with an ish] named the place Peniel, meaning, “I have seen a divine being face to face, and my life has been saved.” (Genesis 32:31)

וַיֹּאמֶר יַעֲקֹב אַל־נָא אִם־נָא מָצָאתִי חֵן בְּעֵינֶיךָ וְלָקַחְתָּ מִנְחָתִי מִיָּדִי כִּי עַל־כֵּן רָאִיתִי פָנֶיךָ כִּרְאֹת פְּנֵי אֱ'לֹהִים וַתִּרְצֵנִי׃ (בראשית לג, י)

And Ya’akov said [to Esav], “No, please, if you would do me this favor, accept from me this gift; for to see your face is like seeing the face of God, and you have received me favorably.” (Genesis 33:10)


Face to face is the best and fullest way to be in communication. We sense the divinity in each other, which leads us to express ourselves with more respect and to listen with more compassion. When we need to have a complex or sensitive conversation, let’s get off of Facebook, phones, or Zooms, and find a way to get together. The effort is worth it.
 

Kevod Haberiyot / כבוד הבריות / Honoring the dignity of all people, including self and other

בֶּן זוֹמָא אוֹמֵר … אֵיזֶהוּ מְכֻבָּד, הַמְכַבֵּד אֶת הַבְּרִיּוֹת, שֶׁנֶּאֱמַר (שמואל א ב) כִּי מְכַבְּדַי אֲכַבֵּד וּבֹזַי יֵקָלּוּ. (פרקי אבות ד, א)

Ben Zoma said … Who is one who is honored? One who honors one’s fellow human beings, as it is said: “For I honor those who honor Me, but those who spurn Me shall be dishonored” (I Samuel 2:30). (Pirkei Avot 4:1)

תָּא שְׁמַע: גָּדוֹל כְּבוֹד הַבְּרִיּוֹת שֶׁדּוֹחֶה לֹא תַעֲשֶׂה שֶׁבַּתּוֹרָה. (בבלי ברכות יט, ב)

Come and hear: Great is human dignity, as it overrides a prohibition in the Torah. (B. Talmud, Berachot 19b)
 

When we recognize divinity, we uphold dignity. This includes our own: we can certainly stick up for ourselves and articulate our needs, and listeners can have the resilience to hear a person’s upset when it bursts out. But we also have to give respect to get respect: As speakers we uphold the dignity of our listeners by showing appreciation, finding common ground, and using
language that reflects our intention to stay in relationship.

 

Please find the text from the above linked in a document here. 

Fri, September 13 2024 10 Elul 5784